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What
Have We Learned As Black Gay Men?
By
Rudy Carn, Founder and CEO
National AIDS Education & Services for Minorities, Inc. (NAESM)
Since
the beginning of the AIDS epidemic Black gay men have been dying
quietly with nobody to call. Black gay men were shunned by their
families and friends for living with AIDS. It was the shattering
stories of how toxic the meds were and that the medical professionals
and healthcare providers did not fully understand the disease. Here
we are two decades later. Black gay men are still dying and becoming
infected at alarming rates. We must ask ourselves, "What have
we learned?"
Many
of us felt the need to go further than asking health officials for
answers. We made ourselves a part of the solution. We rolled up
our sleeves and began to fight HIV/AIDS. We felt that Black gay
men were better prepared to help Black gay men than any ethnic group
or gender. No one knew the depth and breath of Black gay men's feelings
better than men who had walked the same path and faced the same
obstacles and rejection. We were brothers by more than genes and
physical characteristics. We were brothers because the spirits of
brothers who led the fight two decades ago connected our souls.
We promised them we would not give up nor would we give in to the
pressures inside or outside.
What
have we learned as Black gay men? I believe some of us have gotten
stronger and wiser in the fight against the epidemic of HIV/AIDS.
We learned from our past. We know now that some of the choices needed
to change if we were going to remain uninfected or live a strong
and healthy life with HIV/AIDS.
We learned that we needed to educate and re-educate brothers about
their long term choices. We had to lead by example whether we wanted
to or not. We had to show some brothers the difference one day could
make. It could make the difference between putting on a condom and
taking twenty pills a day.
I
wish I could say we learned to fight the system without fighting
each other. We could have all done better. We sometimes allowed
our passion to overshadow our need to get along with each other.
In my younger days, I was outspoken and sometimes arrogant at any
cost. I didn't weigh the consequences. I pushed my way through the
red tape to get around the obstacles because brothers were dying.
I felt I was racing against the windstorm. When I look back and
when you look back, we all must examine the sole purpose of the
organizations that we gave birth to. Did we create these agencies
in the spirit of love or in the spirit of competition? We know by
experience that the AIDS Service community is competitive and sometimes
cutthroat. But let us not forget that
the true mission is not the castles we build here on earth but the
brothers we save and protect from HIV/AIDS. Whether we feel the
urge that we are racing against a clock or sick and tired of the
statistics going up and going down and up again. There is still
a need to treat each other with love, respect and dignity.
There
is an African proverb that says, "When spider webs unite, they
can tie up a lion." In my own words, when Black gay men unite,
we can overcome the odds. We can overcome the dissension that overshadows
our voices in a room. We can rise above the criticism that lingers
in the air. We can even run faster if we learn to pass the baton
of leadership to brothers whose legs are stronger and muscles are
bigger. The baton could be technical assistance to the ASO with
only two staff and no money. I remember those days when I wondered
how I was going to make payroll. Those days were not easy. They
caused sleepless nights and fatigue. On a positive note, the rough
spots make us ready for the bend in the road. Most of us face the
unknown, every year when we race against the clock to submit grants
and continuation applications. We know that our agencies cannot
remain effective if we lose major funding. So, we ready ourselves
for the next bend in the road. Sometimes, we have to wait for the
answer and for the next leader to be prepared.
The
cure for AIDS may come long after my life and your life. But the
fact still remains, we hope for a cure for AIDS. When it is all
said and done, we want to leave a legacy that says, "Black
gay men united and their voices and deeds crippled the affects of
HIV/AIDS. They stood ready for a cure and ready to continue the
fight."
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